This button will take you to my self reflection Instagram account, where I pair reflections with pictures I capture from around the world.
YOU ARE NOT THEM
You are not them.
are not the liars
are not the cheaters
are not the heart breakers.
are the soul that endured
the heart ache.
You just don't know it yet.
even in the midst of it all...
will never become them.
will always remain soft,
will always look for the broken pieces
will always want to put them together like a puzzle...
And that's okay.
should not forget that
deserve to gather your broken pieces
and mend them all together
before seeking to mend everyone else's.
If you think you found me,
I'm not here
to be found.
to get lost.
Is this a mess or art?
Is there a difference?
My mess makes art.
And I slowly shrink...
Within myself, like a paper that's been used and thrown away.
And between your burning hell and my frozen kingdom, we built a life.
If I could offer you 10 general tips about life, here are my thoughts (from things I’ve come across and personal thoughts):
1. Your words are EXTREMELY powerful, use them to make a positive impact.
2. If you want to see more kindness, love ...etc be kinder, love better... change starts with YOU first.
3. We often forget that the world is made of people, just like you and me, if we can become the best version of ourselves then we're already changing the world.
4. Be vulnerable, there's beauty in showing your humanity.
5. It's okay not to be okay, grow through the pain don't just go through it.
6. Mental health is incredibly important, you cannot be there for someone else, not even your family, if you are not there for yourself first. Take care of you.
7. Be weird!
8. It's okay to want to fit in, but don't compromise what makes your heart and soul happy just to be part of the crowd, you are too precious to do that.
9. When it comes to your dreams, you don't need to explain yourself, just do what you feel like doing.
10. You don't have to be great at a single thing, don't buy into the myth that we are all designed to specialize in one thing. You can be great at multiple things and what connects them all back to you is that they are YOUR creations.
Yes, your insecurities will try to creep out every now and then.. because no matter how hard we try to quiet them down, lock them in, or build walls to keep them contained, they always find a crack from which they break through.
And that's okay...
Maybe what we need to do is let them out into the world, let them sneak out, hell, let them face the world and shed a light on them. Perhaps we can never really live without insecurities, maybe we'll just learn to make them feel loved, maybe what we need to do is embrace them as they come.
SKIP A BEAT
Some things that make my heart skip a beat:
1. Certain favorite songs on shuffle - but when that one song plays at the most perfect moment where it describes exactly how you feel and your heart suddenly feels all warm and fuzzy.
2. The view from my rooftop at sunset where the clouds are orange on one side and purple on the other and the sun sits right in the middle covered by the clouds on both sides with light peeking through.
3. Laying on my back in the middle of Columbus Circle where the sound of water running mutes out the sound of traffic and the clouds perfectly align in between the building tops.
4. Walking between trees and suddenly having the sun rays warm my face, so I stop, close my eyes and take a deep breath.
5. Walking in Riverside Park and getting to the empty swings at sunset time. When it gets dark, I swing so high while looking up, it almost feels like I’m flying towards the stars.
6. When poems and words flow through my mind on a random stroll without any warning.
7. Witnessing genuine acts of kindness in the streets, on the metro or anywhere.
8. Realizing that a paragraph/line in a book speaks right to your soul, as if you’ve finally found the perfect title to your current chapter.
9. The first stages of a crush, seeing their face perfectly lit and recognizing that same spark in their eyes when they see you too.
10. Light and shade, the way they perfectly dance to the tunes of my imagination.
WE ARE NOT JUST WHAT HAPPENED TO US
For the past few months I’ve been trying to lead a life with positive thinking, here’s what I’ve learned so far:
Leading a life with positive thinking does not mean that you will be happy all the time or get things your way all day, I wish that was true, you will still feel pain and be sad sometimes. But when you're committed to living a positive life, you will always look for things to be grateful for, things that make you happy. You understand that you don’t have to build a life in moments of sadness.
It is so easy to be pessimistic and not expect anything then be surprised when you get it. You see, you could also lead a happy and positive life without expecting anything too. The beauty of that is, instead of ruminating every time we fail, we start to look for ways to improve what was already there. Failure is not the opposite of success, when we fail we learn, we learn what's not working. This is exactly when we need to take action. We all fail and there's probably more failure to come in the future, it all depends on our perspective of the matter. You can decide to take control of how you react to your life circumstance (inside out) rather than to let the circumstances control you (outside in), it’s totally up to you. I think once we understand the power of our decisions, once we understand that we are not just what happened to us and how powerful our thoughts are, we start to be very careful about what and how we think.
You know how when we were younger, there was always this one quote that was really popular and everyone loved it? Or you picked a quote because someone you love said it’s such a good quote, so you just went with it?
When I was around 13 or 14 years old, my favorite quote was “be the change you want to see in the world” by Gandhi. I sort of knew what it meant but I never realized the weight of it or the underlying meaning. The reason why I picked this quote at such a young age was because of my sister. It was her favorite quote and I admired (and still admire) her so much. Being my role model, if she loved something I had to love it too, goes without saying right?
12 years later, I still love this quote but my understanding of it changed. Whether I like Gandhi as a person and how he treated his wife is something else, but this quote resonates with me on so many levels.
The older I become and the more people I interact with the more I realize how hard it is to first change one’s self, let alone change someone else. At the same time, I wonder why we think OUR personal view of the world is “the right view” or why we’d want other people to be the way WE want them to be. Isn’t this the main issue with the world? When we force our vision on other people?
For me when I think about this quote, I think about the world I envision and the world I’d like to see. And it’s something that I always talk about on my artistic platform (@randistic), If you want to see more kindness in the world, be kinder... if you want to see more empathy, be more empathetic. At the end of the day, you don’t have to change the world as a whole, all you have to do is be the best version of yourself: the version you wish you could meet, the version you wish your friends/partner/family could be. The version you admire and look up to. Because when we are everything we want to see in the world, we could inspire other people to do the same.
This is my perspective. What do you think and what’s your favorite quote?
So here’s the plan,
instead of giving into negative thoughts and letting them occupy your mind, we’re going to put the same effort into positive thinking. No it’s not easy, especially when our minds have a tendency to always find what’s lacking. Make a conscious effort to switch your mindset, not for anyone else but for you - only you. Try this for a week, starting now.
Don’t wait for the negative thoughts to come instead, beat it to the punch:
1. Wake up earlier than you have to
2. Take a deep breath
3. Don’t think of what you have to do today just yet
4. Don’t check your phone YET
5. Stay in bed for a bit
6. Think of 5 things that make you proud of yourself
7. Think of 10 things you’re grateful for and the reason why
8. Keep taking deep breaths
9. Drink water
10. Get out of bed, wash your face and understand that whatever happens today, you’ve got this. You ALWAYS have the power of choice, choose yourself and your happiness.
Do this every morning and see how your approach to the day changes. Every day counts.
GO TO THE MIRROR, NOW
Go to the mirror.
Look at your reflection.
Take a few minutes.
Touch your face.
Feel the warmth of your finger tips on your cheek,
on your eye,
on your lips.
Repeat after me:
I see you.”
Put your hand on your heart.
Repeat after me:
“I feel you.
This is Home.”
Look yourself in the eyes.
Repeat after me:
“You are so loved
You are so worthy
Just because you are you.”
Give yourself a hug.
You’re here, you’re alive.
Repeat after me:
Thank you for being you.
For being here.
For surviving everything you’ve been through.
We’ve got this.”
Practice daily or as often as desired
Bless your heart
For it is so much easier to be oblivious
Bless your heart
For your peace of mind
Bless your heart
For your clueless soul
New York was colored by you,
but now I have a new canvas
THE DAY WILL COME
The day will come,
sooner than you thought it would,
when you’ll decide to leave it all behind,
when you’ll find peace in letting go.
The day will come,
without any notice,
it will show up in a feeling,
in a moment,
in a decision.
The decision will not be easy,
but it will need to be made.
Because it is now or never,
now or never, to take ownership
of your being.
Now or never, to become who you truly are.
But despite it all,
you will survive this.
Trust me when i say,
it will be okay even though it isn’t easy.
What happens on those days
when you feel too much?
What happens when those days
are every day?
It’s like swimming in the ocean
except the ocean is your life
and you don’t know how to swim
How are we expected to love
without any attachments?
DEAR YOUNGER ME
Dear younger me,
This is you … many many years later.
Are things easier? You ask.
Well not particularly.
But guess what? You’re pursuing your dreams. Yes, you never thought that you’d do anything else, but perhaps it was just the gullibility of your age.
When you grow up things change, you have responsibilities and then you’re forced to face the harsh reality of following the crowd, your friends, family, society, your culture and the world. All of this will shrink you for a while, you will start to seek refuge in your own shell of nonexistence, hoping that nobody notices that you’re different. You will attempt to follow the norm … and you will, only for a bit and that’s okay, but all of that will soon change.
To be honest, I think it’s hard.
It’s hard at first trying to stand in one piece on your own in a completely different world.
As tough as you think you might be, as independent as you think you are… You are made of flesh and blood you will feel things you’ve suppressed on your way to greatness, you will feel emotions you forgot existed. You will become highly sensitive to things that never bothered you before and anything can easily hit that soft spot you call home.
It’s hard to stand on your own, not because it’s lonely, not because it’s far from home but because you will finally face yourself, your raw, naked self that you’ve masked for years. That which you’ve masked not because you want to but because the environment, the circumstances you’ve lived in all your life, your comfort zones easily grew like mold on your soul.
Once you face the sunlight, once you slowly but carefully start to peel off those tiny green creatures that put your heart and soul at ease, you will start to feel the pain. The pain is not all ugly, you know. You feel pain when you exercise yet to enjoy it because you know it has a greater purpose. This pain is exactly the same, it is there to shape your soul into a powerful machine. Embrace the pain because in the process, every single part of your soul will slowly but surely compete for your attention.
It’s hard to stand on your own, not because it’s cold not because you are lost.
When you finally meet someone or find something that starts to feel like home, let go, regardless of how bad you desire to cling to it, don’t. At this point you are not here to find home, you are here to discover what makes you itch, and in order to find that you have to stand on the edge, you have to stand on your own. At some point, you may want to engage in destructive behavior and you know what, do it. As long as it does not threaten your safety and livelihood I suggest you do it, because soon enough you will regret it. It is but a choice you’ve made in a moment of weakness, but this moment of weakness does not define your greatness.
Once you have experienced the full stages of loss, once you have experienced denial, anger, depression and you’ve let go, you will then have time to truly discover your greatness. You will know yourself once you’ve lost yourself, because we can only grow once we have allowed the masks to drop. We can only completely understand our being once we’ve drowned and been saved by our floating potential. Don’t be fooled, this process will never end. We are in a constant cycle of loss, but the good news is: it is the greatest road to self-wisdom.
Let your imagination guide your way.
Even in the darkest hours.
Yours truly ❤
There was a point in time over the past few months where I even had trouble getting out of bed. I used to give motivational speeches on my art platform yet I was struggling myself to find motivation, go figure!
I think most of the time I was trying to motivate myself, most of what I was saying was what I needed to hear myself - I would rewatch it over and over again.
I then received a gift from a dear friend who I met through Randistic. The gift was a book called “the magic”, a book on gratitude. It’s a bit dramatic in its approach so I took it with a grain of salt. I followed all of the gratitude exercises in the book yet I was still not okay. It was tough to see myself struggle because I would judge myself for not feeling okay. I’d ask “you are healthy, your family is healthy, you are more privileged than 70% of the world, what is wrong with you?!”
Well that certainly did not help, if anything it made me feel worse.
So I decided, if I wanted to change I had to change something from within. I felt a switch go off in my brain - I’m not kidding. And I suddenly realized this was not a life I wanted to live. I realized that I was the only one able to change my own reality, no one else can do that for me. No amount of books, motivational videos or staring at my bedroom’s window were going to change my reality. What this did was it gave me my power back. So instead of being the victim of my circumstances I became the captain of my own life.
Ah, how easy it is to fall into the victim’s perspective on life, and how hard it is to REALIZE it and take action.
So what did I do?
1. I stopped judging myself for feeling down, being lazy, unable to get out of bed, being privileged and not happy.
2. I started to exercise, I hated it at first and it was so tiring but I challenged myself to do it for 30 days straight with no breaks. Surprisingly, a couple of weeks in, I started to look forward to it.
3. I write gratitude notes EVERY SINGLE DAY. 10 things I’m grateful for and the reason why in the morning and 10 at night. As soon as I open my eyes I grab my phone and write them in my notes and then reread them.
How did that help?
I am still not a 100%, this is not like a magical cure. I still struggle but I now know that I have the power to get myself out of that feeling of helplessness. What gratitude did was it shifted my mindset from “what I lack” to “what I have” and when your perspective on life changes like that, things you don’t have start to matter less and less.
So that’s what I’ve been going through, how about you, how do you deal with your struggles?
If I were to meet my 14 year old self and tell her you’ll be living in New York one day, she would probably laugh in my face. Even if I were to tell my 23 year old self she would disregarded the idea - after asking who the hell I am haha 😆
But here I am today, living in New York - it’s not always as fabulous as it sounds, trust me.
New York, let alone the United States, was never something I dreamt of. I always thought that I’d LOVE to live somewhere in Europe, like Spain or Italy but never the U.S.
Do I still want to move if I get the opportunity? I honestly don’t know. What I know is, I fell in-love with the city. I fell in-love with the diversity, the opportunities and the dark parts of me that were buried deep within.
I came across this quote when I was struggling
a couple of months ago and it hit me hard, it goes like this:
“I used to blame a lot of my problems on New York, which was stupid and cowardly of me. It took me a long time to realize that the city isn’t some devil that’s out to get you. It’s more like the most unflattering full-length mirror you could possibly think of. It exposes all of your flaws and essentially forces you to become a better and stronger person. If you’re in a bad place, New York is going to remind you of it every day until you take care of business. I’m thankful for its honesty.” Ryan O’Connell
I’m working on it
I was never a kid that loved reading, even though my parents have a HUGE library and my mom would always buy me interesting books to read. Every time I’d try to read, I would find myself either falling asleep or drifting away in thought while my eyes are still reading - well technically they were only moving, since none of the words stuck.
A year ago I made a commitment to myself to start reading. TODAY, I have discovered a secret. I don’t have an issue with reading per say (If you can relate, neither do you!), it’s about the choice of book. I realized that I love books that help me self reflect and understand the world better.
I have recently discovered Brené Brown’s books by a mere coincidence and I cannot get enough. Brené Brown is a researcher and story teller that studies shame and vulnerability.
Around 5 months ago, I went into a book store with my dad wanting to buy two specific books, the book store had an offer to get a third book for free so I let my dad pick one for me to read. The title of the book he picked was "Daring Greatly" by Brené Brown. I thought to myself "hmm interesting" but never got myself to open the book or read it. A month ago I was sitting in bed staring at my books, for some strange reason I got the urge to pick up that exact book. That book changed my life and the way I see myself and the world around me. A couple of days after I finished reading that book, I went and bought the book in this picture - Braving the Wilderness, which I just finished reading yesterday. A second after I finished it I got on amazon and ordered all of her books!
I highly HIGHLY recommend that you read Daring Greatly if you haven’t. Braving the Wilderness is just as great but Daring Greatly provides the perfect introduction.
You know, it's funny how things work. If there's anything that I've learned in the past year (something that I'm still learning) it’s embracing vulnerability... my vulnerability. At this phase in my life, this is exactly what I am seeking. They say "seek and you shall find." So thank you dad, for picking this book for me and helping me figure out my preference in books.
What is one book that you absolutely love?
How are you there for your loved ones? How do you support them and show them your love?
HAVE YOUR SHIT TOGETHER
What’s it about this whole “have your shit together” unspoken rule that makes us feel so stressed?
Whether it’s the way you present yourself or your work, there’s always this pressure that I feel dictates our actions.
You don’t want to seem too eager if you like someone, but you also don’t want to be too distant and cold.
You don’t want to look too relaxed in your outfits but you also don’t want to go overboard.
You don’t want to not wear any makeup but you also don’t want to go too heavy.
Where do we draw the line? What is the scale? What’s too much and what’s too little?
Why do we make all of these rules for ourselves instead of just being ourselves - without any judgment (internal or external).
I feel like we lose so much by trying to control everything. Truth is, this pressure is completely and totally inexistent. It’s power depends on how much attention we give it.
And i say, bullshit.
I’m not shedding any light on it.
It doesn’t deserve my attention nor yours.
THE MYTH OF SCARCITY
This morning I came across an incredibly eye opening passage by Lynne Twist, author of The Soul of Money. In the book she addressed the myth of scarcity. She writes:
“For me, and for many of us, our first waking thought of the day is "I didnt get enough sleep." The next one is "I don't have enough time." Whether true or not, that thought of not enough occurs to us automatically before we even think to question or examine it. We spend most of the hours and the days of our lives hearing, explaining, complaining, or worrying about what we don't have enough of... Before we even sit up in bed, before our feet touch the floor, we're already inadequate, already behind, already losing, already lacking something.
This internal condition of scarcity, this mind-set of scarcity, lives at the very heart of our jealousies, our greed, our prejudice, and our arguments with life
We each have the choice in any setting to step back and let go of the mind-set of scarcity. Once we let go of scarcity, we discover the surprising truth of sufficiency. By sufficiency, I don’t mean a quantity of anything. Sufficiency isn’t two steps up from poverty or one step short of abundance. It isn’t a measure of barely enough or more than enough. Sufficiency isn’t an amount at all. It is an experience, a context we generate, a declaration, a knowing that there is enough, and that we are enough.
Sufficiency resides inside of each of us, and we can call it forward. It is a consciousness, an attention, an internal choosing of the way we think about our circumstances.”
May you find sufficiency
I often find myself at an internal crossroad.
You know that feeling when there’s so much temptation, that feeling when you can choose one of the two:
1. Short term satisfaction that won’t last and would probably leave you feeling empty.
2. Long term gains that need patience and require self-restrain.
I’m not going to sit here and preach about how much better it is to choose option 2 because I know it’s hard... extremely hard.
I feel like it mostly depends on where we are in life and how we feel about ourselves, with that said, I have found a trend.
I feel like we mostly indulge in short term pleasures when we want an instant dose of dopamine or some sort of happy hormone. When we’re feeling down or unsatisfied with our lives, we seek this instant thrill.
Option 2 requires perseverance and determination, it requires self sufficiency to the point where you tell yourself “I need/want this, but I’m going to wait, I’m going to work towards this and it’s going to take some time but it’s going to be worth it.”
Do you feel the same way? What option do you usually indulge in? Do you had a third option?
MAKE ROOM FOR SPRING
This is what it’s about
this is what it’s all been about
growing your roots
and branching out
every single one holds a memory
it holds a part of them
forgive it all
let them go
with every falling leave
It’s time to make room for spring
You smelled like love
but even perfumes disappear
It’s not over yet.
It has only just begun.
I’ll tell you a little secret,
I love museums but sometimes I get bored as I’m walking around if nothing grabs my attention. And that’s the thing, I feel like exploring museums helps us understand what kind of art resonates with us the most. Don’t you?
So, in my current journey of self discovery, I’ve decided to be less critical towards myself for not enjoying all the art work present and instead understand what makes my heart skip a beat.
P.S: I’ve realized that I am not fascinated by carpets at all.
One thing I’ve learned, which I’m sure you’ve learned too, is that things aren’t always great. Things aren’t always going to go the way we want them to.
Truth is, I’ve always been someone who wants to be in control of everything going on in her life. Day after day, I realize that it’s such bullshit. We can’t be in control of what happens “to us”, what we can control is how we react to it. It sounds so cliché I know, but once I started to practice this perspective I felt like I’ve regained my power. So instead of being a “victim” to the circumstances and to what life has to throw at me, I started to see the power I hold within. Perspective is everything, when you empower yourself from within, you no longer accept certain things in life. You start to put yourself first.
Now about the control, I still struggle with it sometimes, but I’ve learned the hard lesson of letting go. I can’t nor do I want to control everything, it’s hard but it’s something I remind myself of everyday.
If you, too, are struggling with this, understand that whatever you’re worried about is only an assumption (if it’s in the future) and/or it has already happened (if it’s in the past) and you can do absolutely nothing about it. What you can do, is be here in this moment - so own it.
SHADE & LIGHT
There’s something about this picture that makes my heart feel so warm. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but I think it might have to with the composition of shade and light. This year has been a lot like that. I don’t like to think of light as good and shade as bad, I don’t believe in this dichotomy. I believe that there’s plenty of inspiration in darkness, haha have you seen my art?
This year has been full of loss and gains, all of which has been helping me find my way back to myself. It’s funny isn’t it? We live our entire lives in this body and mind, yet it take certain moments and events for us to open our eyes inwards. It doesn’t come forcefully though, I find that when you least put pressure and let things flow on their own pace and rhythm, magic starts to happen.
OPTION A vs. OPTION B
Do you ever get that feeling? The feeling when you’re faced with a situation and have two options:
A. Open up, be vulnerable and honest - meaning take a risk on being completely accepted or rejected
B. Numb it all out, detach and protect yourself
I find myself in these situations sometimes and it’s SO easy to choose option B, especially when emotions are my guiding force in life, it’s so ironic right?
Throughout my life, I’ve chosen option B at least a 100 times. Was it the right decision? I honestly don’t know - if I’ve chosen option A Instead of option B in the past, would I be the same person I am today? Definitely not.
Lately, when I see fit, I try my best to choose option A; not because it’s the “right” thing to do but because I’ve learned something new about it. I’ve learned that when you choose option A, you are doing it for you, not for people’s reactions nor anyone’s approval. You’re doing it for you and only you, not from a place of selfishness but from a place of allowing yourself to be truly seen.
I find that often times when I lean towards option B, it’s because there’s a feeling of shame around whatever the situation is presenting.
The only reason I understood that it’s a feeling of shame is because I was lucky enough to read the book “Daring Greatly” by Brené Brown. She defines shame as “the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging – something we've experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection.”
So instead of allowing myself to be fully seen with option A, I’d decide to crawl into a shell and protect myself from losing the connection or feeling unworthy by choosing B.
So now, when I find myself in a situation like that, I try my best to challenge myself - and trust me when I say, it’s NOT EASY at all! It feels like you are emotionally naked. But, from my experience so far, every time I’ve chosen option A and allowed myself to be true to who I am, I felt incredible. Because the reason I decided to choose A was for myself only, not for anyone else.
Can you relate?
If you’re faced with these two options, which one do you normally choose?
It’s truly incredible to live abroad on your own, to be responsible for you life - aka “adulting”.
But somedays it’s equally hard, especially when homesickness hits. That free feeling crumbles and you start to feel so lonely. You start to question your sense of home, your priorities, your reasons for leaving and their validity.
How do you comfort yourself in moments like these when all you want is for your mom or dad to give you a hug and tell you it’s going to be okay?
Ah, that endless conflict between fulfilling your dreams and being around your family. Do you also struggle with that?
How much I’d pay to be with my family right now! If you’re one of the lucky ones who’s around their family now, get up and give your parents/siblings a huge hug and kiss. Tell them you love them. You don’t need to leave to know their value. They’re there now, let them know.
SELF CONFIDENCE STRUGGLE
I struggle with self confidence sometimes... it’s hard to admit.
It’s so easy to forget your value especially in a century where competition is so high and right in your face everywhere you go. Whether it’s on social media, the work place or among your friends, it can easily creep under your skin.
And that’s the thing, when you open your Facebook or your Instagram or any other social media platform that you use, all you see are the best versions of people’s lives. We are at fault for presenting that ourselves too.
It’s so easy to get caught up in what everyone else is doing and comparing your life to theirs, trust me I know.
This was one of the reasons I wanted to start this public self refection journey. To make sure that people can see my struggles and hopefully relate and understand that we’re all in this together. It’s okay to say that you’re struggling, or at least that’s what I like to believe.
When I’m faced with moments like these, moments where I start to compare and devalue my journey, I try to stop and reflect. I try to understand why I’m doing this and what it is that I’m trying to compare. The funny thing is that you can never truly compare anything, we’re all so different! We all lead such unique lives. If anything, I’ve noticed that comparison does way more harm than good. It doesn’t add any value or motivation to my life, because all I’m doing is disregarding the uniqueness of my journey. I also question what the point is, comparing what? What’s the end goal that I think everyone is getting to and why does it even matter?
I like to take a step back and think about my life, think about this moment that I am living right THIS second. Do we think that someone else’s success and/or happiness negates ours? It definitely does not. Take a deep breath and give yourself credit for getting this far. You are such a beautiful human being. You’re doing everything you can, hug yourself and say thank you. Thank you for getting through this and still giving it all that you’ve got.
Put your hand on your chest
Do you feel that?
Your heart is beating
Take a deep breath
Make it count
PHRASE OF THE DEVIL
Do you ever think “what if”?
I feel like the worst what if’s are those of the past. They say “what if” is the phrase of the devil, because you can never know the answer nor will you ever be satisfied if you lead your life with it.
I still have my what if moments sometimes.. what I’ve realized is, there’s only one way to completely dismantle it: give your best every single chance, every single time.
I find that most of the time, my default state would be to close myself up or numb things down. I still do that sometimes, but I’ve been trying to put a lot of effort into not doing that. Instead, I try to give my best, do my best and show up even when I feel most vulnerable.
And what I mean by that is, trying to be true to myself, not playing games or pretending to be someone/do something else.
I’ve learned to accept that this is me... right here, right now... this is how I feel and this is how I’ll react... there’s no point in covering it up to make others feel comfortable.
Throughout most of my teenage years and early adulthood I've felt insecure. Having built the courage to show up and be myself took so much work, time and conscious efforts. It’s still a process and probably a long journey.
I hope that you find the courage in you to show up and be truly seen for all the magnificence that you are.
It’s really funny how we know all the easy ways with which we can take care of ourselves but find it so hard to do so sometimes.
Self care is not something to attain once and for all, it’s a daily process. It’s simple everyday things like waking up early and staying in bed for a while, making yourself a hot cup of tea in a hug mug, looking at yourself in the mirror and being kind to your reflection. It’s eating healthy, exercising and not taking your body for granted.
It’s acknowledging your negative self talk or your self destructive habits and saying “it’ll be okay” and “cancel cancel.”
Self care is so important, it’s you. You taking care of you. How incredibly simple it sounds yet how tough it is to practice sometimes. And that’s okay, self care is also about being self compassionate. Sometimes all the self care that you need is to take a break, stay in bed and do nothing.
I wish people asked “how is your heart?” or “how is your soul?” more often.
Are we afraid of the answers or do we not have the time or energy to create human connection?
So tell me, how is your heart today? How is your soul?
I am here.
I am listening.
There’s a term called foreboding joy that I came across a couple of months ago. Today, I caught myself experiencing that. I was feeling extremely joyful this morning before that feeling hit.
Foreboding joy means “we fear joy because we worry it means something bad is going to happen because something good just happened. It is the feeling that keeps people from being happy – from savoring happy – because they are planning for the uncertainty that life always brings – that uncertainty that must mean something bad is going to happen to counteract the good.”
Have you ever experienced this? Now that you know what it is, make sure you identify it when you feel it. Nothing bad is going to happen, it’s okay to be extremely joyful
HERES WHAT YOU NEED
I’ll tell you what you need.
You need you.
Breath and listen.
You have the answers.
You always have.
You always will.
Trust your gut.
YOU'RE ONLY HUMAN
There are days when a beautiful sunset is all that you look forward to, it’s the only thing that’ll make your heart skip a beat.
There are days when you don’t really want any human interaction.
I wish you love. I wish you tranquility and peace of mind on days like that.
It’s okay, you need a break, we all do.
You’re only human.
The sun will still shine, everyday, despite it all.
That’s all that matters.
So here we are
we’ve challenged each other
till the very core.
Some days you won
and engulfed me in your chaos.
Other days, I rose like a bird
and observed the mess from above.
And here we are again,
at a cross road.
Trying to make sense
But your shadow
still haunts my dreams
And hovers over me
every now and then
Like a heavy cloud
raining sad nostalgia
And I’m learning
I’m still learning
To find the strength
To hold up my umbrella
It'll be like you've never met me
and I, you.
Perhaps this way we won't become broken mirrors.
What if we were able to pinpoint that exact moment when we messed things up?