Public Display of Emotions

[Shedding Light on Unspoken Emotion]

I value human connection above everything so this series aims to shed light on unspoken emotions, difficult emotions, emotions that we tend to hide from the public. It is the rawest form of vulnerability, I hope that you'll be able to relate and connect.

1.0 Loneliness

And even though I've become a master at hiding it, it still exists underneath it all. Underneath this glamorized face and these beautiful flowers lies the feeling of loneliness. Perhaps it's only a construct in my head, but I can feel it in every living cell in my body.

2.0 Anxiety

As I was having the first few bites of my lunch at a cafe...

Anxiety hit.

It's like a turnado, doesn't differentiate or favor any situation. It just happens, like a thunder storm on a sunny day. Hits you and electrifies every single cell in your body until you are left paralyzed.

And just when you thought it was over, just when you started to regain the strength to stand back up, it strikes again, viciously.
Leaving you helpless both emotionally and physically, shamefully begging God for it to pass by.

The thought of it brings me to tears. I just wish that the ground would open up and swallow me whole.

I just wish there was a cure or a pill to take and make this all go away. Or a spell to go back to when it all started. Anything to make me understand why, what, when, how it was all triggered.

I wish I could go back to my Before-Anxiety Era, when my mind was sound and my body was whole.

Now I'm all twisted.
Inside and out.

The after effect? Feels like there's a lump in my throat. 

Worst thing is,
no one sees it,
it's all in my head.

3.0 Negative Thoughts

Don't believe everything you think. We are often our worst self critic, would you tell your loved ones the things that you tell yourself? Would you even think them?

You are not the spiral of negative thoughts, don't let them define you. Try not to be so harsh on yourself. 

You are enough. I hope you find the courage to be kind to yourself, just as you are to others.

4.0 Inner Conflict

"but you said you will try..."

"i can't control them
i can't control these thoughts
they turn into a spiral
that melts my sanity away"

"stop. 
it's okay
breath in
breath out
now
let's try again"

some days, 
i am my own cheerleader
other days,
well...
most days,
i'm my worst self critic.

but on those days,
i try.

i tell myself
"let those thoughts
pass through you...
you are not them.
don't let them define you
you are an observer."

does it work?

sometimes...

"you are what you believe yourself to be," said Paulo Coelho.

on the good days
i believe him
on the challenging days
i try not to.

you see,
your thoughts are very powerful
you need to be careful what you think.

because whoever said "what you believe, you become" is right.

so from now on,
i will believe that i am star dust;
i will believe that i am enough;
i will believe that i am limitless;
i will believe that i am a beautiful contradiction.

or at least i will try.

5.0 Bruised

Here’s my heart.
It’s been bruised
but I’m holding it now...
I’m bringing it back home
-what happens when you wear your heart on your sleeve